Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Passing Thoughts

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I throw a negative ball into the world

and some one else catches it,

they are playing center field

they have great hands, and as soon as they catch

the ball, they throw it away

and some else will catch it

it's in the eyes, body language, the voice

the tools that we use, we put a lot into the world

I catch thoughts too,

anger, hatred, jealousy, envy

people can feel aggression or kindness from a being

analyze it and throw it back or store it

but I don't forget it

and know they will be back around again

it's the corner of the beast

around and around and around

this game we play

Monday, December 28, 2015

The Bar Is Dying

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Not many interesting bars to go to

but, I go into this bar that I go into all time

and it has gotten so tired,

the mutherfuckers smoke so much

you choke on the shit so badly

there are girls there pole dancing in bikinis

stage and music, drinking and goofy talk at the bar

it's not a good bar, but it's an interesting bar

more interesting than the other bars that are around

the neighborhood dive bars are so dull, filled

with people who have known each other their entire lives

well, it's not much

but I've learn so much in these places, I want to got to better

places, but the cops are all around this holiday weekend

and they keep sane people from wanting to go places, fun places

and just maybe this is best, as people kill themselves slowly with

cigarettes smoke and their pasts.

This weekend and History.

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Mississippi River

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Vast waters of the dark,

no light around, at all,

that was my dream, or nightmare

whatever you want to call it, just a small candle
that you could barely see

as things moved in the night,

things that could breathe, and could not

I felt bound to those things, yet i could not think

just see and feel, and I felt lost kinda scared,

but that was Life, things just moved and played on action

There was no books or thoughts around

In this dream I had.

Thursday, December 24, 2015


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This man, wants to be left a lone,

a lot of time, perhaps most of the times

Call me antisocial or whatever 

I don't care, I don't get tired of my personality,

I like my thoughts mostly, better than other people thoughts.  I'm a dickhead!!

I will admit this

people rush into a crowd to be with them

because they are afraid of themselves, their own voice

they don't trust it all.  No confidence

You gotta believe in yourself, or else you'll never do or say anything

You will let other people talk for you

You will quote their vile venom, as if it was your own

and that is so sad

But some men need some time alone,  they grow tired of the bickering  and complaining, and arguing of the human race

their banal convictions

personalities and actions forcing themselves
upon you.

Bringing the Gloom

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Here comes me,

bringing the gloom again,  Mr.  Sensitive of course

sad downcast eyes,  taking this Life thing too serious

I should smile when I write,  then I would being more positive

I need to be more positive

I have brought too much gloom into the world, throughout the years

Gotta laugh at myself, do jumping jacks and sing

I should be ashamed up myself for bringing gloom to people who

are just trying to be happy.  Hey,  I can laugh at stand up comedy

I laugh at Will Ferrell and Kevin Hart

I gotta stop bringing the darkness and the gloom

all that real shit

Just be happy!!!!!!

And I'll try this,

then something fucked up happens

and I dwell on if of course,

then it's over, back into the fuckin negative thinking

and that's last for so long, until I hear a good song, or someone says

something funny

then, you can be positive again

and that's okay

Wednesday, December 23, 2015


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You burn when you feel like the forces are against you

whatever those forces maybe

a lot of times it's damn if you do or damn if you don't

I can't bullshit those who are locked up or sick

You can not bullshit those who are locked up or sick

you just can't

while, some of us may have some level of comfort

you can not bullshit those at the bottom of this pyramid you call life

you can not bullshit me, after a difficult days' work

you just can't

it's like everything stands in your way of being happy

or content and how can you expect it not too?

what's happiness?

what is contentment in this dream we call LIFE?

Head up My Ass

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Yes, my head is up my ass,

I am a pitiful dreamer, I admit this,

accept this, being sociable takes

so much away from me

My head is so far up my ass,

I can taste, the bagel with no cheese i have just eaten

ignore me kids, my head is very far up my ass

I know there are people who have the same problems as me, sometimes

I forget this!!!!

I am not special,  I should talk to them

but I have my head very far up ass

I should be able to talk to them about my problems

but I can't

I head is very far up my ass

It never feels good to tell people my problems

like, I can't walk up to a stranger, and start speaking

in sonnets to  you,


That would very foolish

and yes this was meant to be a funny poem

I, must forget all the tragedy of life, like

a broke, broken Shakespeare

Did I spell Shakespeare right grammar nerds?

I have sensory processing problems of course

Sunday, December 20, 2015

So Many Things

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So many cool things to do

so many fun, and interesting things to do

so many intoxicating things to stimulate the senses

which, are always on march and parade


I stay chasing the next exciting thing

the spectacle, the stimulation, music, promise

but mostly I work my life away

and then I drink, after

Then the internet stimulates me:  Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Instagram

Goodreads, Reddit

the next fix,

always the next fix

not where I want to be

you can only be in one place

I think my mind wants to be, in all places at once

then, you get bored

fucking bored

that's there again

Then minutes, moments, seconds move fast

out of your life

Alan Watts said, "thoughts are addictive," I know what he means

he's not speaking in riddles

A lot of times, it's just best not to think

Somewhere in complete isolation

with no one talking to you, or speaking to you

eventually the voices and thoughts go away

and you can cleanse yourself


Sunday, December 13, 2015

Allergic To Money

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It won't come to me

no matter how much I try

Maybe I am intelligent or

have deep thoughts

thoughts that a lot of people do not have


money seems allergic to me


I try to figure that thing out

but it will not come to me,

it's as difficult as the most advanced math to me

those dollars or wealth or whatever you call it

and for some people

it all seems to come so easy

they know what people want

they have common sense

something I do not have admittedly

or maybe I'm lazy and don't want to hustle

Hustling something the masses have put on pedestal

but on your death dead will wish you have spent more time hustling and making money, when perhaps you have your final curtain?

I don't know man.

I'm not into what most people are into

I don't feel a connection to them

and just maybe I am wrong for that

but can this be helped?

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Eight To Five

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Those are the peak hours for people

when humans are busy

they get everything done in these hours

everybody doing the same thing, at the same 

damn time

everybody bumping into each other

everybody just missing each other

everybody just getting a little bit done

I love when these hours are over with

and there is less folks on the roads, or in the stores

I take the roads traveled less, of course 

I don't feel apart of the tribe

Of course all the, "good people," live the eight to five life

it gets dreary and predictable when you can finish a person's sentence for them

and with the eight to fivers you can do that a lot

but those roads at night so are empty and great for me

except for the police

who are always thinking you are up to no good, by being out at night

They think the good people of the world have all gone home, to do their kids home work or watch television or cook dinner, and wait for their jobs to start all over again

"Why are you out so late?" they asked.

"Because I could not stand to be out with them" I say.

They can not understand this, at all.

of course.

Terrible Things

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There are things that happen to you in Life

that you do not want to talk about

there are things that happened to you that you do not 

want to think about

at all 


you just don't want think about it

or tell people about it

You just try to forget it

but it's there

it's always with you

like that

it's crazy how that goes

it's totally what makes a person who they are


they will not talk about it all

and that is crazy,

because, it always the most important


the most important thing that has ever happened

to them

and they refuse to talk about it,

instead they talk


and that's 


completely blowing their chance, to tell ya


Saturday, December 5, 2015

Thanks For The Advice

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I appreciate it,

but it never seemed to work for me

like 90 percent of the advice, I received throughout

my life has never worked for me, I forgive those people who give advice though, because most of them mean well.

But no one really knows.   Ask Socrates or Plato or whoever that wrote that stuff, but don't ask me.

but whatever worked for me, just might not work for you, and then I have to live that with that

and i don't want that on my conscience at all man

I feel so silly as a sage or a prophet

and I don't give freely of advice or expect it to be given easily to me


advice givers:  things might not quite work out the way expected it for that person, and the universe proves you wrong.

I mean it is hard enough to predict the weather, let a lone a person's life

well, i don't blame anyone for giving me advice, perhaps advice and encouragement works for most people, yet it just haven't worked for me.

than again,  I am a fuckin weirdo!

Well, all advice should come with a preamble, "Well this worked for me, but it might not work for you."

I think i am quoting either quoting or paraphrasing the Buddha.

Well, anyway it sounds smart

and that is what counts

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Insult Me

It's okay,

my skin has grown tougher,

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insult me, say the worse things about me

ill take that,

oh, boy bring all your fuckin hate

you stupid fuckers

hate me, I love it

I'm used to the shit

I remember when i was younger the shit used to bother me

but now

the words fall numb

insult me, laugh if you like

laugh at the glasses, the nose, the manner of speaking

i don't give a fuck

the pettiness don't bother me

in a world filled with cowardly and stupid people

insult me, I'll take it

and it will be so real,

I need it

any way, there was as kid at the bar buying all these girls drinks

and they are talking to him not feeling him, and when he walks away they laugh and insult him.  Then he comes back and, "says yawl laughing at me."

"no we ain't laughing at you," then they keep chuckling

but they kid is serious offended and i can see it

I tell him they are laughing at me to make him feel better, and they coulda have been laughing at me, but I don't give a fuck

are you serious?

keep laughing

for the long road to death comes for us all

and none of this shit will be remembered


Wednesday, December 2, 2015

The Robots

They will take over

and perhaps, the world

will be better,

they will drive our cars, pilot the planes

be better surgeons, cook better

the robots are coming, and they will be able to do

everything better

even be better soldiers,

Humans love their wars so much, and their scars

and these machines will out do us at that even

sad sad sad

Heard they will even be better sex workers

Oh, they will do everything better!

perhaps, none of us will ever have do any

fuckin work,  and perhaps that will be a good

thing, we can eat and just lay around and play

Heavens’ knows the curse of work has destroyed the

human race,

ask all those old and in pain?

Friday, November 27, 2015


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I'm a coward because I think about it

most of us are cowards for thinking about it,

worrying about it, this money thing 

you can worry about this money thing until you are

fucking exhausted and your hair turns grey, and wrinkles form on your face.

those in know, want the advantage, against the several billion people in the world that we live in

there is only so much room at the top of the pyramid

so people devise clever little tricks and games to get to the top or stay there

step after step after step

remember, wash and repeat

getting ahead is not easy, they say

neither is winning 

as the athletes take their performance enhancing drugs and the famous have their plastic surgeries to stay in the bright glamorous lights

it gets fucking weary man,

few us want to be homeless or hungry 

so we compete and kill, and work ourselves to death

then we invest in whatever, hoping for a return

WE don't want to be beggars on the corner

so we enslave ourselves to this money thing.

Saturday, November 21, 2015


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People don't want it

maybe they want HELL, or just a little taste of it

perhaps a lot of people enjoy some unhappiness

a lot of people I know seem to love living in the Past

everything was better of course,

the people, places, They say

not for me, mostly terrible, and some good

I'd be fool to criticize a kid for having iPhone and doing whatever with it

it's a different world, adapt or perish

I salute those who are trying to make life easier and better,

I saw a meme were people saw a google self driving crumpled

when it hit a squirrel,


why the happiness in the misfortune?

How many people are injured or killed in wrecks

so, bring on a smarter car, we definitely need one

as the already dead, cling to the unremarkable past

Friday, November 13, 2015

Dickhead Drivers

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There are a lot of them

they are everywhere it seems

they enjoy being dickheads,

say if you don't know your way around a certain area

and their dickhead ass do, and show some hesitation,

do to not knowing where they are doing construction,

they will tailgate or blow at you, their dickhead ass

have probably traveled down the same road a thousand times,
and expect the same of everyone else

yet they won't give you the benefit of the doubt.

It's hard to like people like this

that's why they are dickheads

so many become TOUGH behind the wheel of a car

or computer screen

fucking SAD

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

It's Useless

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To tell people your pain,

they can't feel your pain

they can't feel the pain of a stomach
or the pain in the skull

it's too much,

painful body equals painful mind and spirit,
and soul

that's were the fuckin blues come from,

and you feel that shit or you don't

there are people who can relate, and there are people who don't

can't feel at all, and you want to tell them about your pain?

they can't feel that shit.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Sorry For The Typos

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And you must understand this,

it's not intentional by any means,

I'm usually just tired when I write this or 

half drunk, but this no excuse

because some folk are really offended by this,

and I apologise, didn't spell that right,

I'm sure some, would stop reading if they see a typo,

like not care about the message or the meaning of the idea,

just some pedant worried about grammar, and want this thing overproduced, and well edited

well this ain't well edited,  I hate well edited books

New York times bestsellers, which look like a team of people went in and produced that shit, and censored it,  excuse for a few missing words

This job don't pay no bills.

And if if did, well shit happens

the best writing should be done a lone, with out influence, you know,  the writer not caring what the reader thinks

hopefully I say something interesting, and that is the goal for me

Either you hate it, love it or you're indifferent

hopefully the grammar is little bit better.


Sensory processing can be my excuse,
if you believe in excuses.

Friday, October 30, 2015


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Man, I hated it

well, it's good the teachers taught me reading and arithmetic

but the other stuff, and the bullshit

glorified baby sitting,

hating the mornings, hating the forced interactions

the recess, lunch, gym and Algebra class?

fucking dull,  I remember the option to not participate in gym
class, and most of the time I took that option

should  have dropped out a long time ago, yet i hung in there

and got that bullshit degree

I wrote a story, about prison once, and hadn't been

but i know it's like some institution: a school, a military base, or some workplace

all hierarchies and bullshit rules and people

Like some school

Wednesday, October 28, 2015


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May never come, yet people wait for it

they live their lives as if the next day is guaranteed

but every once in while you'll here someone say, "tomorrow isn't promised,"

but most us seem to forget this:

like get up, shower, eat breakfast go to work, go home, fix dinner, wash dishes, etc, and go to bed:  And repeat.

How dull!!

but people go days and years like this

waiting for a weekend, some holiday, a vacation

it's a scary notion,  I have a hard time making long term plans.

like making a doctor's appointment in three months

How about next week?

and people talk about next year

how can you?

I guess modern life seems easier and more stable, no tigers or bears to fight off
so tomorrow seems guaranteed

well, you don't have this safe notion with in you, there is ANXIETY, of course

and i suffer from that as well,

So try to live the day as my last,

failing mostly of course

but, that is just the way it is


Saturday, October 24, 2015

Working Man's Pain

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It's the dull manual labor that kills

you slowly

the boredom, the boredom, the boredom

the minutes, the hours, and days stockpiled

until nothingness,

lifting a heavy box, or cement rock

waiting for the UPS, The Fedex dude, the Post Office

working a dock, or receiving

dying a slow death

when you are young, you can do the shit no problem

but when you get older, in your thirties it wears you out

By the time you are 50, you are done man, just holding on

your body is DONE DONE
there are people in this world that have it worse, bad

I think of the some kid in the third world drinking from dirty water

there are people in this world that it have really bad bad

and there are those you just go on day after day after day

with a slow death, a misery

that buries you in your sixties or seventies,

maybe even earlier

that's the Pain


Thursday, October 22, 2015

A Cup of Coffee

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I usually hate coffee,

but sometimes you gotta get stuff done right?

and I'll usually head to Starbucks, in a good neighborhood

There are no Starbucks in bad neighborhoods,

I usually need to get away from everything and everyone

and read and write,

and spent so much time at Starbucks,  

when i was younger, it was the one on Delmar

so many interesting and different people coming in

so of the hipsters, I know hated the Starbucks,

and went to local hipster joint, to be hip

but it was such a put on,  really hipness

it not aware that it is being hip,

I just drank and read, and listened to the Mainstream

as they came and went,

and tried to figure them out

but, never did.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

I Live In My Own World

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As you live in your own world

people say this all the time, when you are an 


and I am introvert

but, to me

there is not much that separates an introvert from and extrovert

slight brain chemistry, here and there

I try to be more extroverted, but it don't come off too well

Extroverts live in their own world too.

I find my own thoughts, waaay more interesting than most

I'll try to reach out to other's with words,

yet make no real connection

like you're at a party or club, or bar and you just hear the chattering of voices.

opinions going indifferent directions, and usually prejudiced and silly

Yet you are still alone with yourself

the extroverted introvert

who tries to make this genuine connection to another human being

but it doesn't quite

well, some of us live our heads more than others

and i would be one of these.

Monday, October 19, 2015


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It's like you have all this cool shit to do, man

and there's like hardly any time for it: so many cool TV shows you see,  YouTube videos to watch, ebooks to read.

And you search all your social media pages.  And everything moves so fast, of course with a full time job

and really the only time I have for real is the weekends for me.

and the go by fast man, for me,

seems like only a mere, couple of hours, instead of two days


there is this feeling of missing out constantly


and your head is filled with clutter and ideas, and ambitions, desire.  And it swirls in you.

all that shit

And I have a hard time relating to people who get bored.

there's like all this cool shit to do, and you're bored?

"I sit with my mom and tells me how boring Sundays are?"  Then she asks me, "Am I bored."

I'm like, "really?"

I'm away from the job, and feel very good

and trying to focus on an ebook from Amazon and  YouTube, and put together Slide share presentation

And I'm like really she's bored?

I guess some people need the Monday mornings and some one telling them what to do and how to do it,

along with the entertainment of television

But not me, jeez!!!


Friday, October 16, 2015

My Poetry Collection Available At Amazon

Buy an excellent collection of poems and lyrics.  You will long remember the words of this collection:


The Drink

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It's not for everyone man,

the drink, the liquor,

some people don't need it,

most people don't need it, the drink

they are sociable beings anyway

but not me, I am not a sociable being,

far from it

the drink helps with that

then the crowds and their words become 
more bearable 

some folks become loud when they drink,  they were usually already LOUD.  The alcohol just enhanced this trait in them, usually to a vulgar degree

it's like my grandma said, "the true person comes out when they drink." And for most, it's not pretty

Freud would call it the ID

and she's right, the true person does come out

and it's usually someone or something that can not handle liquor at all,

or stumbling out the bar, or getting knocked out at the bar

not able to handle the drink, the precious drink,
The wrong brain chemistry, I guess

that makes a hard dull world more bearable,

maybe weed would work better for them, but not me

the beer i stick to, usually work quite well for me

just stay away from me with the silly drinking games.



Thursday, October 15, 2015

The Phony Smile

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Sometimes you just have to do it

it's a part of living in the Tribe,

I'm guilty of it 

I've read How to Win Friends And Influence People

but I hate it most of time.  The phony smile

pretending like you are having a good time, when you're not

I don't hate people

most of the time I just wanna be a lone though

and I'm the same with everybody, it don't make any difference: family, friends, coworkers, strangers, etc

I have a hard time feigning happiness, I'm mostly on edge thinking to myself a lot

and the only time I usually feel like socializing is when I drink

which keeps me from thinking so much

without it, I'm so shy

and people hate this,

of course.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Lion In a Cage

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It's like you're this lion in cage

you are naturally wild, but they try to stop this

you are a lion in a cage thrashing about

you don't like the captivity

you live for the crazy wild

but no no no

they wont let it you be

they are stronger than you are, lion

the universe is stronger than you are, lion

you strike at it,

and it hits you back even stronger

the lion in the cage won't be domesticated though:

pet it, feed it, show love all you want

but it won't be tamed by mere human hands

this dangerous lion in a cage, won't be tamed

at all


Sunday, October 11, 2015

In This Ring

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You are by yourself

People are arriving and departing

This thing rolls on

People say they are your friends

People say they are lovers

But it's all bullshit

People pretend to know things

Yet they do not

It doesn't matter if you do

Or if you Don't

People take this life thing too serious

In this ring, your friends watch while you get your head knocked off

You are fighting for yourself against the liars, manipulators and schemers and hustlers.

All of them cowards

Death before dishonor

They don't believe in
that shit

In this ring

Friday, October 9, 2015

The People Are Anxious

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It's like that thing in your chest can stop

anytime, and some of us think about it constantly

IT can come fast and swift,

and you are conscious of it's beating:  miss a beat, you feel it

race too fast you feel it,

that anxiety that you won't see tomorrow:

all the plans you made could be forgotten in cockroach like


You think about that, and it's just no good, of course

and we take that strangely for granted

I've taken it for granted,  many times

the truly brave or truly disturbed don't care if they die of course

But for a lot of folks, of course there is:


Thursday, October 8, 2015

This Is Depressing!!

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Oh boy, you're crazy if you keep reading this,

you have been warned!

I like crazy though,

but this is depressing! 

"people don't like depressing stuff," like my mom says.

I don't think she has ever read any of my writing, she just knows me as a person.

"negative vibes surround me," she says and "people can sense that!"


I guess she is right though, most people can't handle depressing shit

But I don't write for those folks. They can continue to watch their Hangover movies, or Fast and Furious or whatever the fuck they watch.

but I'm a bluesy person and feel the pain of LIFE, like a Charles Bukowski or a Johnny Cash.

it is what is, you hurt of course

and their are those out there who don't want to deal with pain or forget it.  Be happy or say a joke please!

I surely understand.

while I sit in a dark bar a lone nursing a drink watching the others, feeling my specific pain, while never understanding the Masses.

I'm a weirdo, I don't go out to have fun, whatever that is

Most won't understand this crazy, depressing, weird, serious shit I write.

a few will though,  and I write for them.

Not the mainstream folk.


Wednesday, October 7, 2015

A Good Dude

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Died and it hurt me bad

a good dude died, and it hurt more

than when my blood father passed away, who was not so good a lot of times

a good dude died man, I thought he

would live forever

homie was always in a good mood,

my step dad friend.

never heard him say a bad thing or do a bad thing to anyone

a good dude died and I wept,

i hear about people dying some times, people I know,


it has little effect on me usually, some of them were not very good

But damn, I will always see him doing yard work, to buy money for

weed, until I expire i guess, he smoked that shit a lot

a good dude died and it hurt me in worse way, didn't think it would

a good dude died and i could see the sadness in his friends eyes at the funeral

a good dude died and will be missed

and that's saying a lot.