Monday, September 28, 2015
You can't help but to feel it
i mean, if you said you didn't maybe
I would think you were lying, but I feel it
Life's not fair, I know
The forces can hit you like an iceberg
and cut you like the best damned blade
you never used
but it's there
I feel like an old soul, even when I was young,
that feeling was there
I look back at the mistakes I've made
They are not beautiful mistakes at all, as people call them
wish I knew better, wish someone told me better
but they did not know better, and I did not know better
so what's the point?
at thirty seven I sit back and feel the stings of the hornet
you can call that brooding or whatever
but I've been a damned fool,
and I know that
so I can own it
and try not to feel so
It's strange how it influences the masses
How it affects the way people speak, walk and
television, radios, movies, music and now the Internet
the messages that are sent out
how the people get their image even their personality
from media images,
and you just want to get off the grid
away from it all,
from the people
you could stop paying attention to the shit
for several months, or years even
and then come back to it: Watch a few popular TV shows, listen to the radio,
and the latest movies and YouTube
and you'll know just about all about the people you need to know
Sunday, September 27, 2015
I was kid when NWA came out
I liked the music, thought the guys were superheroes,
wanted to be like them and everything
It was Eazy's voice and the rawness of the music,
and all black Raider clothing I liked
when I was a little kid i didn't think saying, "Fuck tha police."
was such a big deal. Now that I'm older, I understand it a lot better
It was a big deal.
A huge fucking big deal
and they were extremely brave for saying that shit.
It was incredible
then Eazy died from AIDS,
it wasn't romantic death for many people
Aids is tied to death.
and just about everyone in America is fucked over sex,
many folks didn't feel bad for him at all, and called him a hoe
who got what he deserved.
I mean how dare he sleep with all those women?
it's the most horrible crime in the world!!!
those are not my words, but the voices of people i hear
the voices I've been hearing so long for over thirty seven years
those foolish, silly voices of the masses,
who rarely comprehend or understand anything, yet so quick to
cast their fucking stones
Easy didn't die like Big and Pac: gunned down in the middle of a street
which is a romantic death for a lot of these people
but, if you think there is something romantic about getting gunned down
in the street
you are a damned fool!!
nothing romantic about that shit
Easy died from sex, nothing romantic about that shit
no matter how you die, death is just death
and that's all it is too it
no matter how you parish
Well she was cute had a lot of health and mental issues: bad father, bad mother, was a lesbian, and all that shit.
Don't remember how it happened, but we started talking about penis and sex and all that shit.
With a lesbian?
Like how does that happen?
Well, she told me if she had one of those things: a penis
she would never leave the fucking house, she would spend all day jacking off
and i thought that was one of the smartest, most enlightening, and revealing things that a woman or man or anybody could ever say!!
it cuts through all the bullshit of what we want or need
It's like when you go out in a city where i'm from
you have to worthy about it
You just wanna have a good time,
but there's that thing
you ride around and ask yourself
will you end up dead or in jail tonight?
that's a reasonable question
i worry about cops and thugs
and i just want them both to leave me the hell alone
Why would they even wanna bother me or look at me?
I'm not a hot chick or nothing,
I worry about the cops more than the thugs though
they just wanna get you for anything man
cops and thugs i dislike equally,
perhaps, I just don't like anyone
I've been to jail or few hours, and didn't like the
CO's or my fellow inmates
why would someone wanna sit in jail?
why in the hell would someone wanna guard them?
it don't make any sense to me
being around a bunch of dudes, dudes you hate look at, smell or hear
i have no brothers,
and boy do i hate to see a dull cop's face in my mirror
for something minor, all the times i've been pulled over by them
looking for the Good Time and not finding the good time
Just a bunch of dickheads, whether they are cop or thug
thinking fuck the world, and both groups
when all you wanted to find in the night was a pretty girl
Friday, September 25, 2015
That's what they say
I never felt I was in some
Kinda of race
I'm nice to people
Maybe too nice.
Maybe I want people to be
Nice to me
No person is a island
We always have to depend
On each other
Remember times when I was
Helpless and some kind soul
Got me outta of a jam
Maybe I think about stuff like
When some one wrongs me
And let it pass
I'm nice to people and I don't
Even try to be that way
It just comes out like that
I couldn't be loud and foolish
And arrogant if I tried
Nothing grand about it
I believe in self preservation
Our lives are so fragile
As people walk that edge of Death
There is is a prison motto that goes, "everybody
Bleeds. Everybody dies and anybody can kill
I believe in that shit
My kindness doesn't come from morals
Religion or any of that
At the same time if someone pissed me off
I feel like could kill you and eat a sandwich afterwards
Not give the persons death a passing thought
Yet I am a very nice guy
I was talking to this girl crazy chick, meth head did bits in prison and really high fucked up on meth and she talking on and on and on im on downers and alcohol feeling comfortable and liberated and all that shit,even profound and im none of that at all, she talking so fast or maybe its slow, but she always talks fast and we're talking about animals of all things!!!
She tells me she think animals can get sad like humans and that's just a kind and sincere thing to say, and i feel sad even though im smiling, and i hate that this girl knows what sadness is, i hate that anyone knows what sadness is and the world and god knows it too. Then she tells me about a neighbour who had it's dog chained to a lease, and isn't that one of the sadness things in the world?
That damned dog didnt have much of a life.
Im sad while thinking about the dog but im not really thinking about the dog. Im thinking about people and the human condition, job work, family, government, church all that shit.
Humanity you are all like a dog chained to a fence
I thought the girl was silly, and she taught me a lesson she didnt think was a lesson, i wonder does she think she is a dog on a leash like us all? i didn't ask her that thru the beer and cigarette haze.
But she sure as hell made me think about some shit
Aint that something?
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
When i close my eyes
I see the faces of the dead
I hear their voices
The things they said, their laughter
The ones i thought would live forever!!
Something got them though: the ones who lived fast
It was a drug, some bullets, a disease
I thought they would live forever!!
Those crazy ass dudes and girls
How urgent they were
But they didn't
Something got them,
Just as sure as it will get me
It's not always about the young dying recklessly
I think of some old man or woman living a slow life:maybe washing a car or cooking a dinner, watching a baseball game on TV
They are so real to me when i close my eyes
More powerful than any living being every could be to me
The living live cowardly as they smile and laugh to me
But this death thing is real
I drive highways alone at night
Remembering a dead girl riding shotgun. Who died a couple of years ago beside me.
The things she said and her laughter haunts me.
More powerful than anything living
What lies she told me
More powerful than anything living
This crumpled memory of mine.
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Some people burn slow
While others burn fast
All kind of things happens:
There's happiness sadness
Joy and anger
And when you are in the
The worlds molds you
With all it elixirs and temptations
The good times
Then come the wounds and scars
And the doctoring
All the agonies
And the kicks of
The shit you love more than
When you enjoy life
There is always some kinda of
Price to pay
The world won't be inherited
to the meek
But to the MISERABLE
All those closed and boxed in lives
They died long before their actual death
But some of cool people lived it to fullest
Finding every sorrow and vice
Nothing but pain and ecstasy
You left a young beautiful corpse
As you rot in your casket.
But at least you had LIVED
Monday, September 21, 2015
I think too much,
that is what they tell me
but how can can you think too much I think?
seems like we don't think enough,
people see that you are not in the moment and think you are
and sometimes I maybe
but thinking for some people is like a narcotic
and I like doing that as much as I can
as people seem to hate that
they just assume you're thinking about something bad
and I can't stand that
maybe they are use to Society programming them not to think
with the work and television, keeping them as occupied as possible
but the folks should think more: for all the advancements society as
supposedly made, it's largely been in Information Technology: meaning the Internet and your cell phone.
such fields as Medicine and Transportation are terribly lacking
so maybe Society should start thinking more progressively and deeply
and quit worrying about the Ones who are.
Sunday, September 20, 2015
Friday, September 18, 2015
Don't want to do that man,
so many fucked up things on people's minds
you would not want to be a mind reader,
not at all
you think you would, but you would not
wanna know the shit on people's minds
I'm intuitive man, some see this as a gift,
others a curse
you walk past people and feel their energy
and can come damn near to reading their minds
I can, and try to stay well away from them
you don't wanna do that, feeling their vibes is bad enough
in the future perhaps, you will able to read people's mind
most people are terribly alike in their desires and ambitions,
and they are so easy to cold read, so easy it's dull
and what a terrible thing that would be
to read their inner thoughts
you don't want that
It's like if you feel pain, you just feel pain
nobody in the world can feel what you feel
I see the world thru a dark lens
the bright sunny day is not my friend
too many folks around, doing things, stressed
it depresses me,
that makes me a dark person I suppose,
or it's liking Johnny cash singing the song "Hurt,"
either you like it or you hate it,
or watching reruns of the First 48 all day long,
so depressing, so strange
this depressing thing
the blues is the opposite of happy
those dark people feel too much I suppose
no one can feel your pain, no use in telling them
about it, especially if they don't feel anything
Well if you wake up in pain, that will effect your mind and emotions
and those who don't feel it will never relate
Saturday, September 12, 2015
I hate drugs, if I could live in in a cave I would,
it's modern society that makes you wanna use drugs, or forces
you too, with it's crazy forty hour a week schedule. It murders you so you need the damned drugs
coffee, cigarettes, antidepressants and other shit they wanna crucify you for
but the American society runs on drugs--legal and illegal
and the people, when I'm not around them i don't need stimulants or the downers, but when i am around them
Boy, do I need them
and that is so fucked up
I lack that shit man,
and when you lack Dopamin,
this world can be a very boring place indeed
you can't get stimulated by the stuff people get stimulated by:
the dull manual labor, the chores, the small talk, washing the car,
cleaning, doing yard work, you can't be stimulated by that shit,
with out Dopamine you feel like you're dying, dying from the dullness of our world
So many Dopamine deprived places and people
I'm one of them
often lacking motivation to go on with confidence
then there's Ritalin and coke,
and they make our boring world more interesting
or just sometimes, for me
the Dopamine occurs naturally, and that feels good,
and it's like everything is right with the world,
but those times are so rare
and I despise that.
Friday, September 11, 2015
I don't really look for these kinds of people,
a dude who read one my stories remarked, "there is no hero, no one to root for, no one likable." I thought ughh. I didn't mean for the character to be likable or cared if the reader is rooting for someone. I don't root for people in the books that I read.
It just never occured to me at all, I needed for a hero.
But, I think about it: everyone seems to want a hero. Well mostly everyone.
I am not one of these though
there are people who are admirable, do things well I suppose
maybe i even look up to them.
But a hero?
It never really occurred to me
to look around a see a bunch of people walking around filled: hubris, arrogance, pride, fashion, foolish notions and caring waaaay too much about what others think of them.
How could any one find a hero in this crowd?
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Some people can see past what
is in front of them, others can't
some can see that there is more,
than what is in front of them in this world
others can not
i don't know why i always see beyond some
but I do
I am rarely able to adapt to my environment,
i usually looking past it
There is more to the world I always say
for better of worse
the buildings, the schools, the neighborhoods,
the bars I've been in
always looking past the things and people
I don't know why i do this?
somehow it saves me from a lot of shit,
sometimes not so much,
imagination and books have allowed me to
see past things I would have not otherwise
when there was no opportunity and chance anywhere
and that was it
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
No one can feel what you feel
no one can tell you how you feel
no one knows your pain, except you
only you are bound by it
only you can be confused by it
only you can suffer from it,
only you can experience it
we are locked inside ourselves, no matter how hard we
try to break free, to connect with another
and telling someone about your pain
seems so ridiculous
they can't feel it, and it seems that
most humans lack total empathy
so, no way can they relate to the pain
they will probably laugh at the anguish of a soul
or a body, that's what they are good for
they can't understand it, until they suffer from it
I am holy about pain
I understand, "the world breaks everyone eventually"
that's what Hemingway said. I believe it and have seen it
It will break me and you,
no matter how tough or brave you think you are
and only you, can own your pain
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Is not a friend
It comes, it goes
it dies, for you
Time goes by fast if you let it,
slow if others control it for you,
People are always trying to control it for you,
they get off that way
time will kill you if you let it,
your hours all mapped out
like a constellation in the sky
a constellation you did not map out
How can you get it on your side?
our days on this Earth so brief
even if you live to be a hundred
but who really lives to be one hundred
that person died long ago
you watched the young ones come up
and they are just as impatient as the last
group to come up
and the last thing they want is wisdom
they want to figure this thing out for themselves
a hard way I suppose
but i hate the scars from my foolish and time
I would tell by self of the past,
to know better than I did
this me thing,