Monday, September 28, 2015

Bitterness

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You can't help but to feel it

i mean, if you said you didn't maybe

I would think you were lying, but I feel it

Life's not fair, I know

The forces can hit you like an iceberg

and cut you like the best damned blade

you never used

but it's there

I feel like an old soul, even when I was young,
that feeling was there

I look back at the mistakes I've made

They are not beautiful mistakes at all, as people call them

wish I knew better, wish someone told me better

but they did not know better, and I did not know better

so what's the point?

at thirty seven I sit back and feel the stings of the hornet

you can call that brooding or whatever

but I've been a damned fool,

and I know that

so I can own it

and try not to feel so

BITTER

Pop Culture

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It's strange how it influences the masses

How it affects the way people speak, walk and
dress

television, radios, movies, music and now the Internet

the messages that are sent out

how the people get their image even their personality

from media images,

and you just want to get off the grid

away from it all,

from the people

you could stop paying attention to the shit

for several months, or years even

and then come back to it:  Watch a few popular TV shows, listen to the radio,
and the latest movies and YouTube

and you'll know just about all about the people you need to know

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Eazy E

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I was kid when NWA came out

I liked the music, thought the guys were superheroes,

wanted to be like them and everything

It was Eazy's voice and the rawness of the music,

and all black Raider clothing I liked

when I was a little kid i didn't think saying, "Fuck tha police."

was such a big deal.  Now that I'm older, I understand it a lot better

It was a big deal.

A huge fucking big deal

and they were extremely brave for saying that shit.

It was incredible

then Eazy died from AIDS,

it wasn't romantic death for many people

Aids is tied to death.

and just about everyone in America is fucked over sex,

many folks didn't feel bad for him at all, and called him a hoe

who got what he deserved.

I mean how dare he sleep with all those women?

it's the most horrible crime in the world!!!

those are not my words,  but the voices of people i hear

the voices I've been hearing so long for over thirty seven years

those foolish, silly voices of the masses,

who rarely comprehend or understand anything, yet so quick to

cast their fucking stones

Easy didn't die like Big and Pac:  gunned down in the middle of a street

which is a romantic death for a lot of these people

but, if you think there is something romantic about getting gunned down
in the street

you are a damned fool!!

nothing romantic about that shit

Easy died from sex,  nothing romantic about that shit

no matter how you die, death is just death

and that's all it is too it

no matter how you parish

The Most Honest Thing A Girl Told Me

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Well she was cute had a lot of health and mental issues: bad father, bad mother, was a lesbian, and all that shit.

Don't remember how it happened, but we started talking about penis and sex and all that shit.

With a lesbian?

Like how does that happen?

Well, she told me if she had one of those things: a penis

she would never leave the fucking house, she would spend all day jacking off

and i thought that was one of the smartest, most enlightening, and revealing things that a woman or man or anybody could ever say!!

it cuts through all the bullshit of what we want or need


doesn't it?

Dead or In Jail

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It's like when you go out in a city where i'm from

you have to worthy about it

You just wanna have a good time,

but there's that thing 

you ride around and ask yourself

will you end up dead or in jail tonight?

that's a reasonable question

i worry about cops and thugs

and i just want them both to leave me the hell alone

Why would they even wanna bother me or look at me?

I'm not a hot chick or nothing,

I worry about the cops more than the thugs though

they just wanna get you for anything man

cops and thugs i dislike equally,

perhaps, I just don't like anyone

I've been to jail or few hours, and didn't like the
CO's or my fellow inmates

why would someone wanna sit in jail?

why in the hell would someone wanna guard them?

it don't make any sense to me

being around a bunch of dudes, dudes you hate look at, smell or hear

i have no brothers,

and boy do i hate to see a dull cop's face in my mirror

for something minor, all the times i've been pulled over by them

looking for the Good Time and not finding the good time

Just a bunch of dickheads, whether they are cop or thug

thinking fuck the world, and both groups

when all you wanted to find in the night was a pretty girl

Friday, September 25, 2015

Nice Guys Finish Last

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That's what they say
yet

I never felt I was in some
Kinda of race

I'm nice to people
Maybe too nice.

Maybe I want people to be
Nice to me

No person is a island

We always have to depend
On each other

Remember times when I was
Helpless and some kind soul

Got me outta of a jam

Maybe I think about stuff like
That

When some one wrongs me

And let it pass

I'm nice to people and I don't
Even try to be that way

It just comes out like that

I couldn't be loud and foolish
And arrogant if I tried

Nothing grand about it

I believe in self preservation

Our lives are so fragile
As people walk that edge of Death

There is is a prison motto that goes, "everybody
Bleeds. Everybody dies and anybody can kill
You."

I believe in that shit

My kindness doesn't come from morals
Religion or any of that

At the same time if someone pissed me off
I feel like could kill you and eat a sandwich afterwards

Not give the persons death a passing thought

Ever

Yet I am a very nice guy


A Dog Chained to A Fence

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I was talking to this girl crazy chick, meth head did bits in prison and really high fucked up on meth and she talking on and on and on im on downers and alcohol feeling comfortable and liberated and all that shit,even profound and im none of that at all, she talking so fast or maybe its slow, but she always talks fast and we're talking about animals of all things!!!

Hahahaha

She tells me she think animals can get sad like humans and that's just a kind and sincere thing to say, and i feel sad even though im smiling, and i hate that this girl knows what sadness is, i hate that anyone knows what sadness is and the world and god knows it too. Then she tells me about a neighbour who had it's dog chained to a lease, and isn't that one of the sadness things in the world?

That damned dog didnt have much of a life.

Im sad while thinking about the dog but im not really thinking about the dog. Im thinking about people and the human condition, job work, family, government, church all that shit.

Humanity you are all like a dog chained to a fence

I thought the girl was silly, and she taught me a lesson she didnt think was a lesson, i wonder does  she think she is a dog on a leash like us all? i didn't ask her that thru the beer and cigarette haze.

But she sure as hell made me think about some shit

Aint that something?

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

The Dead

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When i close my eyes

I see the faces of the dead

I hear their voices

The things they said, their laughter

The ones i thought would live forever!!

Something got them though: the ones who lived fast

It was a drug, some bullets, a disease

I thought they would live forever!!

Those crazy ass dudes and girls
How urgent they were



But they didn't

Something got them,

Just as sure as it will get me

It's not always about the young dying recklessly

I think of some old man or woman living a slow life:maybe washing a car or cooking a dinner, watching a baseball game on TV

Gone forever.

They are so real to me when i close my eyes

More powerful than any living being every could be to me

The living live cowardly as they smile and laugh to me

But this death thing is real

Very real

I drive highways alone at night

Remembering a dead girl riding shotgun. Who died a couple of years ago beside me.

The things she said and her laughter haunts me.

More powerful than anything living

What lies she told me

More powerful than anything living

This crumpled memory of mine.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Fast Or Slow




Some people burn slow
While others burn fast


And between


All kind of things happens:


There's happiness sadness
Joy and anger


Sickness


Things happen


And when you are in the
World


The worlds molds you


With all it elixirs and temptations
The good times


Then come the wounds and scars
And the doctoring


All the agonies


And the kicks of


The drugs


Then dope
And sex


The shit you love more than
Life itself.


When you enjoy life


Too much


There is always some kinda of
Price to pay


The world won't be inherited
to the meek
Or strong


But to the MISERABLE


All those closed and boxed in lives


They died long before their actual death


But some of cool people lived it to fullest


Finding every sorrow and vice


Nothing but pain and ecstasy
You left a young beautiful corpse


As you rot in your casket.

But at least you had LIVED

Monday, September 21, 2015

The Thinker





I think too much,

that is what they tell me

but how can can you think too much I think?

seems like we don't think enough,

people see that you are not in the moment and think you are
depressed!

and sometimes I maybe

but thinking for some people is like a narcotic

Deep Thinking

and I like doing that as much as I can

as people seem to hate that

they just assume you're thinking about something bad

and I can't stand that 

maybe they are use to Society programming them not to think

with the work and television, keeping them as occupied as possible

but the folks should think more:  for all the advancements society as 
supposedly made, it's largely been in Information Technology: meaning the Internet and your cell phone.

such fields as Medicine and Transportation are terribly lacking

so maybe Society should start thinking more progressively and deeply

and quit worrying about the Ones who are.

Friday, September 18, 2015

Mind Reader

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Don't want to do that man,

so many fucked up things on people's minds

you would not want to be a mind reader,

not at all

you think you would, but you would not

wanna know the shit on people's minds

not all

I'm intuitive man, some see this as a gift,

others a curse

you walk past people and feel their energy

and can come damn near to reading their minds

I can, and try to stay well away from them

you don't wanna do that, feeling their vibes is bad enough

in the future perhaps, you will able to read people's mind

most people are terribly alike in their desires and ambitions,

and they are so easy to cold read, so easy it's dull


and what a terrible thing that would be

to read their inner thoughts

you don't want that


Dark Poet






It's like if you feel pain, you just feel pain

nobody in the world can feel what you feel 


I see the world thru a dark lens


the bright sunny day is not my friend


too many folks around, doing things, stressed


it depresses me,


that makes me a dark person I suppose,


or it's liking Johnny cash singing the song "Hurt,"


either you like it or you hate it,

or watching reruns of the First 48 all day long,

so depressing, so strange


this depressing thing

the blues is the opposite of happy


those dark people feel too much I suppose


no one can feel your pain, no use in telling them

about it, especially if they don't feel anything


Well if you wake up in pain, that will effect your mind and emotions


and those who don't feel it will never relate


At all




Saturday, September 12, 2015

Drugs

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I hate drugs, if I could live in in a cave I would,

it's modern society that makes you wanna use drugs, or forces

you too, with it's crazy forty hour a week schedule.  It murders you so you need the damned drugs

coffee, cigarettes, antidepressants and other shit they wanna crucify you for

but the American society runs on drugs--legal and illegal

and the people, when I'm not around them i don't need stimulants or the downers, but when i am around them

Boy, do I need them

and that is so fucked up

Dopamine



I lack that shit man,

and when you lack Dopamin,

this world can be a very boring place indeed

you can't get stimulated by the stuff people get stimulated by:

the dull manual labor, the chores, the small talk, washing the car,

cleaning, doing yard work, you can't be stimulated by that shit,

with out Dopamine you feel like you're dying, dying from the dullness of our world

So many Dopamine deprived places and people

I'm one of them

often lacking motivation to go on with confidence

then there's Ritalin and coke,

and they make our boring world more interesting

or just sometimes, for me

the Dopamine occurs naturally, and that feels good,

and it's like everything is right with the world,

but those times are so rare

and I despise that.



Friday, September 11, 2015

NO Heroes

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I don't really look for these kinds of people,

a dude who read one my stories remarked, "there is no hero, no one to root for, no one likable."  I thought ughh.  I didn't mean for the character to be likable or cared if the reader is rooting for someone. I don't root for people in the books that I read.

It just never occured to me at all, I needed for a hero.

But, I think about it: everyone seems to want a hero. Well mostly everyone.

I am not one of these though

there are people who are admirable, do things well I suppose
maybe i even look up to them.

But a hero?

It never really occurred to me

to look around a see a bunch of people walking around filled: hubris, arrogance, pride, fashion, foolish notions and caring waaaay too much about what others think of them.

How could any one find a hero in this crowd?




Thursday, September 10, 2015

Beyond The Walls



Some people can see past what
is in front of them, others can't

some can see that there is more,

than what is in front of them in this world

others can not 

i don't know why i always see beyond some
prison's walls

but I do

I am rarely able to adapt to my environment,

i usually looking past it

There is more to the world I always say

for better of worse

the buildings, the schools, the neighborhoods,
the bars I've been in 

always looking past the things and people

I don't know why i do this?

somehow it saves me from a lot of shit,

sometimes not so much,

imagination and books have allowed me to
see past things I would have not otherwise

when there was no opportunity and chance anywhere

just a 

little hope

and that was it

http://www.amazon.com/Damion-Hamilton/e/B00YFZ44P8

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Pain



No one can feel what you feel

no one can tell you how you feel

no one knows your pain, except you

only you are bound by it

only you can be confused by it

only you can suffer from it,

only you can experience it

we are locked inside ourselves, no matter how hard we
try to break free, to connect with another

and telling someone about your pain

seems so ridiculous 

they can't feel it, and it seems that

most humans lack total empathy

so, no way can they relate to the pain

of another 

they will probably laugh at the anguish of a soul

or a body, that's what they are good for

they can't understand it, until they suffer from it

I am holy about pain

I understand, "the world breaks everyone eventually"

that's what Hemingway said.  I believe it and have seen it

It will break me and you,
no matter how tough or brave you think you are

and only you, can own your pain

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Time



Is not a friend

It comes, it goes

it dies, for you

for me,

Time goes by fast if you let it,

slow if others control it for you,

People are always trying to control it for you,

they get off that way

time will kill you if you let it,

your hours all mapped out

like a constellation in the sky

a constellation you did not map out

How can you get it on your side?

our days on this Earth so brief

even if you live to be a hundred

but who really lives to be one hundred

that person died long ago

you watched the young ones come up

and they are just as impatient as the last

group to come up

and the last thing they want is wisdom

they want to figure this thing out for themselves

a hard way I suppose

but i hate the scars from my foolish and time

I would tell by self of the past,

to know better than I did

this me thing,

right here

right now