Friday, October 30, 2015
Man, I hated it
well, it's good the teachers taught me reading and arithmetic
but the other stuff, and the bullshit
glorified baby sitting,
hating the mornings, hating the forced interactions
the recess, lunch, gym and Algebra class?
fucking dull, I remember the option to not participate in gym
class, and most of the time I took that option
should have dropped out a long time ago, yet i hung in there
and got that bullshit degree
I wrote a story, about prison once, and hadn't been
but i know it's like some institution: a school, a military base, or some workplace
all hierarchies and bullshit rules and people
Like some school
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
May never come, yet people wait for it
they live their lives as if the next day is guaranteed
but every once in while you'll here someone say, "tomorrow isn't promised,"
but most us seem to forget this:
like get up, shower, eat breakfast go to work, go home, fix dinner, wash dishes, etc, and go to bed: And repeat.
but people go days and years like this
waiting for a weekend, some holiday, a vacation
it's a scary notion, I have a hard time making long term plans.
like making a doctor's appointment in three months
How about next week?
and people talk about next year
how can you?
I guess modern life seems easier and more stable, no tigers or bears to fight off
so tomorrow seems guaranteed
well, you don't have this safe notion with in you, there is ANXIETY, of course
and i suffer from that as well,
So try to live the day as my last,
failing mostly of course
but, that is just the way it is
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Saturday, October 24, 2015
It's the dull manual labor that kills
the boredom, the boredom, the boredom
the minutes, the hours, and days stockpiled
lifting a heavy box, or cement rock
waiting for the UPS, The Fedex dude, the Post Office
working a dock, or receiving
dying a slow death
when you are young, you can do the shit no problem
but when you get older, in your thirties it wears you out
By the time you are 50, you are done man, just holding on
your body is DONE DONE
there are people in this world that have it worse, bad
I think of the some kid in the third world drinking from dirty water
there are people in this world that it have really bad bad
and there are those you just go on day after day after day
with a slow death, a misery
that buries you in your sixties or seventies,
maybe even earlier
that's the Pain
Thursday, October 22, 2015
I usually hate coffee,
but sometimes you gotta get stuff done right?
and I'll usually head to Starbucks, in a good neighborhood
There are no Starbucks in bad neighborhoods,
I usually need to get away from everything and everyone
and read and write,
and spent so much time at Starbucks,
when i was younger, it was the one on Delmar
so many interesting and different people coming in
so of the hipsters, I know hated the Starbucks,
and went to local hipster joint, to be hip
but it was such a put on, really hipness
it not aware that it is being hip,
I just drank and read, and listened to the Mainstream
as they came and went,
and tried to figure them out
but, never did.
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
As you live in your own world
people say this all the time, when you are an
and I am introvert
but, to me
there is not much that separates an introvert from and extrovert
slight brain chemistry, here and there
I try to be more extroverted, but it don't come off too well
Extroverts live in their own world too.
I find my own thoughts, waaay more interesting than most
I'll try to reach out to other's with words,
yet make no real connection
like you're at a party or club, or bar and you just hear the chattering of voices.
opinions going indifferent directions, and usually prejudiced and silly
Yet you are still alone with yourself
the extroverted introvert
who tries to make this genuine connection to another human being
but it doesn't quite
well, some of us live our heads more than others
and i would be one of these.
Monday, October 19, 2015
It's like you have all this cool shit to do, man
and there's like hardly any time for it: so many cool TV shows you see, YouTube videos to watch, ebooks to read.
And you search all your social media pages. And everything moves so fast, of course with a full time job
and really the only time I have for real is the weekends for me.
and the go by fast man, for me,
seems like only a mere, couple of hours, instead of two days
there is this feeling of missing out constantly
and your head is filled with clutter and ideas, and ambitions, desire. And it swirls in you.
all that shit
And I have a hard time relating to people who get bored.
there's like all this cool shit to do, and you're bored?
"I sit with my mom and tells me how boring Sundays are?" Then she asks me, "Am I bored."
I'm like, "really?"
I'm away from the job, and feel very good
and trying to focus on an ebook from Amazon and YouTube, and put together Slide share presentation
And I'm like really she's bored?
I guess some people need the Monday mornings and some one telling them what to do and how to do it,
along with the entertainment of television
But not me, jeez!!!
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Friday, October 16, 2015
Buy an excellent collection of poems and lyrics. You will long remember the words of this collection:
It's not for everyone man,
the drink, the liquor,
some people don't need it,
most people don't need it, the drink
they are sociable beings anyway
but not me, I am not a sociable being,
far from it
the drink helps with that
then the crowds and their words become
some folks become loud when they drink, they were usually already LOUD. The alcohol just enhanced this trait in them, usually to a vulgar degree
it's like my grandma said, "the true person comes out when they drink." And for most, it's not pretty
Freud would call it the ID
and she's right, the true person does come out
and it's usually someone or something that can not handle liquor at all,
or stumbling out the bar, or getting knocked out at the bar
not able to handle the drink, the precious drink,
The wrong brain chemistry, I guess
that makes a hard dull world more bearable,
maybe weed would work better for them, but not me
the beer i stick to, usually work quite well for me
just stay away from me with the silly drinking games.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Sometimes you just have to do it
it's a part of living in the Tribe,
I'm guilty of it
I've read How to Win Friends And Influence People
but I hate it most of time. The phony smile
pretending like you are having a good time, when you're not
I don't hate people
most of the time I just wanna be a lone though
and I'm the same with everybody, it don't make any difference: family, friends, coworkers, strangers, etc
I have a hard time feigning happiness, I'm mostly on edge thinking to myself a lot
and the only time I usually feel like socializing is when I drink
which keeps me from thinking so much
without it, I'm so shy
and people hate this,
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
It's like you're this lion in cage
you are naturally wild, but they try to stop this
you are a lion in a cage thrashing about
you don't like the captivity
you live for the crazy wild
but no no no
they wont let it you be
they are stronger than you are, lion
the universe is stronger than you are, lion
you strike at it,
and it hits you back even stronger
the lion in the cage won't be domesticated though:
pet it, feed it, show love all you want
but it won't be tamed by mere human hands
this dangerous lion in a cage, won't be tamed
Sunday, October 11, 2015
You are by yourself
People are arriving and departing
This thing rolls on
People say they are your friends
People say they are lovers
But it's all bullshit
People pretend to know things
Yet they do not
It doesn't matter if you do
Or if you Don't
People take this life thing too serious
In this ring, your friends watch while you get your head knocked off
You are fighting for yourself against the liars, manipulators and schemers and hustlers.
All of them cowards
Death before dishonor
They don't believe in
In this ring
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Friday, October 9, 2015
It's like that thing in your chest can stop
anytime, and some of us think about it constantly
IT can come fast and swift,
and you are conscious of it's beating: miss a beat, you feel it
race too fast you feel it,
that anxiety that you won't see tomorrow:
all the plans you made could be forgotten in cockroach like
You think about that, and it's just no good, of course
and we take that strangely for granted
I've taken it for granted, many times
the truly brave or truly disturbed don't care if they die of course
But for a lot of folks, of course there is:
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Oh boy, you're crazy if you keep reading this,
you have been warned!
I like crazy though,
but this is depressing!
"people don't like depressing stuff," like my mom says.
I don't think she has ever read any of my writing, she just knows me as a person.
"negative vibes surround me," she says and "people can sense that!"
I guess she is right though, most people can't handle depressing shit
But I don't write for those folks. They can continue to watch their Hangover movies, or Fast and Furious or whatever the fuck they watch.
but I'm a bluesy person and feel the pain of LIFE, like a Charles Bukowski or a Johnny Cash.
it is what is, you hurt of course
and their are those out there who don't want to deal with pain or forget it. Be happy or say a joke please!
I surely understand.
while I sit in a dark bar a lone nursing a drink watching the others, feeling my specific pain, while never understanding the Masses.
I'm a weirdo, I don't go out to have fun, whatever that is
Most won't understand this crazy, depressing, weird, serious shit I write.
a few will though, and I write for them.
Not the mainstream folk.
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Died and it hurt me bad
a good dude died, and it hurt more
than when my blood father passed away, who was not so good a lot of times
a good dude died man, I thought he
would live forever
homie was always in a good mood,
my step dad friend.
never heard him say a bad thing or do a bad thing to anyone
a good dude died and I wept,
i hear about people dying some times, people I know,
it has little effect on me usually, some of them were not very good
But damn, I will always see him doing yard work, to buy money for
weed, until I expire i guess, he smoked that shit a lot
a good dude died and it hurt me in worse way, didn't think it would
a good dude died and i could see the sadness in his friends eyes at the funeral
a good dude died and will be missed
and that's saying a lot.
Normal people adapt
they learn to love the prison they are born into,
likes slaves on a plantation
normal people learn to love their school, neighborhood, family, job and hometown
normal people eventually learn to love all authority figures,
the jails and the correctional officers,
normal people learn to adapt and eventually love the environment they are born into
no matter how fucked up in maybe,
I always fight against it
normal people love the garbage movies Hollywood puts out
normal people learn to love the bullshit that is on the radio stations
normal people buy into the advertising industry
normal people learn to like their jobs, or school no matter how dull they maybe
people can get used to anything man, people can get used to any fucking thing
I'm not normal, I can't stand the bright sunny day,
my darkness stands out and sucks you in like a cave,
I like an admire, the freaks, the weirdos, perverts and geniuses all of them fucking outsiders
on the margins of society
those people who hate the rush hours, and the holidays
I relate to their madness
Saturday, October 3, 2015
I was sitting at the bar
Feeling the blues after work
Drinking my 64 0z pitcher
And this kid begins to talk to me
About how drinking is killing my
And of course i have heard this
Shit all before
Yet i act dumb all the same
I did not know that!!
I try not to think about
This, of course when I'm drinking
Wrong place wrong time
Well he's right!!
But he drinks a hell of alot
More than me
He takes shot after shot
Beer after beer
And blacks out
Almost every night
Yet I'm the fucked up one?
Crazy when you think about it
Yet the world tried to kill my
Body, which is I'm drinking in the first place
Well the world kills my body
And i kill my brain
Thursday, October 1, 2015
Competition is overwhelming,
it's too much, all these people thriving
it's rush hour
it seems like rush hour all the time, man
you're in competition with them,
always, take your energy pills, get enough sleep
this world is a crazy and competitive place.
that's why all the athletes take the dope
the students cheat on the exams
TO GET AHEAD
all these crazy ambitious people around me
it wears you out,
I love seeing people in the slow lane of life,
Instead, I see
fighting for the parking space closest to the door of the local Walmart
ain't that crazy?
and they all want kids
to carry out some dumb tradition
to get an EDGE
taking steroids and lifting weights
always comparing themselves to some one's else success
it gets tiring tiring tiring tiring
the car, the job, the house, the clothes
keeping up with the Joneses, keeping up with Kardashians
it all gets very stale.
they keep their cliques, and systems and organizations locked into place
it's all very conservative:
which means for their children and grandchildren and friends
This is the sport that the Human Tribe plays
over and over and over